I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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