I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
