So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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