ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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