Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
