Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
