Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
