I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
