there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
