She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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