This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
