If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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