I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
