Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
