im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
