I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I did not marry a roomba.
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