She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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