I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
