I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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