i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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