you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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