whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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