When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
