I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
