Your mouth is God's brothel.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
