To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
