you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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