do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
