just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
