Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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