And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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