I heard we made out
My pussy is not your playground.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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