I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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