The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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