She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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