Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
