i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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