I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
