All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
