you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
