So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
