i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
