Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
