i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
