my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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