Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
