I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
