I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
