i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
