It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
