So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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