dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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