During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
