Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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