Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
