Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
