Sponge bath it is.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
