Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
