you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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