as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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