Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
